Sam and the Stages of Grief

WORK in Progress.............................................. !!!!!

There are five basic stages of grief which need not come in any particular order and may over lap each other. There is also no specific timeline for grief to play out as all people are different. I propose here that one of the many forces of Supernatural is the burden of grief. All the Winchesters carry this burden and handle it in their own “special” ways, but I’ll focus on Sam Winchester and the first three seasons of the show.

During Season One Sam is mourning on many levels. His primary grief is the loss of his girlfriend Jessica. The fact that her death was caused by the YED who killed her in the same manner as his mother has brought back his grief over never having a mother, which in turn reminds him of his sadness over never having a normal childhood. Jessica’s death rips him from the comfortable and safe world he created for himself at Stanford.

Each season Sam’s grief is written with depth and complexity, but within each season there is usually one primary stage demonstrated:

Season One: Depression

Season Two: Bargaining

Season Three: Denial

Season Four: Anger?

Season Five: Acceptance?

Bargaining seems to be the predominant theme of season 2.

Hunted [2.10]:

SAM: "We've just got to figure out what's going on, then, what the hell all this means. "*

DEAN "We do? I've been thinking about this, I think we should just lay low. You know? At least for a while. It'd be safer. And that way I can make sure —"

SAM: "What? That I don't turn evil? That I don't turn into some kind of killer?"

***That’s Sam, the logical one, needing to reason out what his brother just told him.

But there are also signs of acceptance into the life of hunting:

SAM I'm not just gonna ditch the job.

DEAN Screw the job. Screw it, man, I'm sick of the job anyway. I mean, we don't get paid, we don't get thanked. The only thing we get is bad luck.

SAM Well, come on, dude, you're a hunter. I mean, it's what you were meant to do.

DEAN Oh, I wasn't meant to do anything, I don't believe in that destiny crap.

SAM You mean you don't believe in my destiny.

DEAN Yeah, whatever.

SAM Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean, I ran all the way to California and look what happened. You can't run from this. And you can't protect me.

DEAN I can try.

SAM Thanks for that.Look, Dean, I'm gonna keep hunting. I mean, whatever is coming, I'm taking it head-on; so if you really want to watch my back, then I guess you're gonna have to stick around.


Playthings[2.11]: Sam to Dean after Dean questions his eagerness to go off on their next hunt: “We've got to save as many people as we can.”

Enter drunk!Sam:

SAM That guy who hung himself. I couldn't save him.

DEAN What are you talking about? You didn't know, you couldn't have done anything.

SAM That's an excuse, Dean. I should have found a way to save him. I should have saved Ava too.

DEAN Yeah, well, you can't save everyone, even you said that.

SAM No, Dean, you don't understand, all right? The more people I save, the more I can change!

DEAN Change what?

SAM My destiny, Dean!

OK, cosmic karma points galore! Save a person; win 2 free years to not burn in hell or be bothered by YED who want you to lead demonic armies, etc…..THAT’S BARGAINING SAMMY! BTW, he does manage to save both the mother and the little girl in this episode.

Save score: Sam=2, Dean=0

Houses of the Holy[2.13]: Sam is looking for salvation. He’s convinced the YED wants him for his side and though Sam plans to go out fighting he is still worried his destiny will overtake him. Sam is chosen by the ghost priest for being one in need of saving and by doing an act of penance (which is to “smite the wicked” in the ghost’s pov) he will find grace. This hits Sam to the core. Here he can do God’s will and by doing so find grace in God’s presence.

Denial is present throughout season three in the words of Sam to Dean: “I’ll find a way to save you. I’m not letting you go to Hell.” Stated in various ways, or understated in action. Yet, probably the only thing that could save Dean might be (but this is untested) Sam using his powers to change the outcome (and later in the season to use them to kill Lillith). But in order to use these powers to save Dean Sam would have to not be in denial that he even has them in the first place. And he is denying anything supernatural for its connection to the demon and the potential he fears.

In Mystery Spot the trickster reminds Sam that Dean's death is inevitable and gives him over 100 differerent death scenarios to truly help him understand it. Yet, it isn't until he finally prevents Sam from waking from the nightmare that Sam has to come to terms with his life without Dean, and even THEN, Sam is willing to do anything (yep, even killing the innocent) to get Dean back.

Sam can’t admit he is helpless to save Dean and let’s himself believe Ruby’s false promises to help him. Even to the last hour Sam insists, even when a very frightened but stoic Dean reminds him what the facts are.